Something to Do
by Darkpathway
Summary: Nothing ever went the way he wanted it to. His Mum died, he lost his brother and then he lost everything but himself. He kept distracted as much as he could, whenever he could and every time he could. But now, someone's offered him something to do.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, guys! I really wanted to try out some ideas and destroy some cliches. Just a few small ones. I hope that this does have a few different elements to it compared to the other HP and FMA crossovers but don't be too surprised. I haven't scared you off already, have I? This was written on a whim so don't expect too much from this. The whole point of this story is to add, what I think, is funny to the plot of fan fics where Ed goes to Hogwarts. I won't be stealing entire plots from other authors but I do like the idea of Ed becoming a teacher at Hogwarts and this will mainly centre around that.**

 **WARNING: mild cursing, Ed being nice for a little while cause he finally picked it up from Al and whatever else comes up throughout the making of this fan fic.**

 **I don't own the beautiful works of art called Fullmetal Alchemist (Hiromu Arakawa) and Harry Potter (J. K. Rowling).**

 **Edit: I thought you guys looked out for me but I guess not because I found a very obvious mistake that my sleepy brain couldn't detect. (I still love you guys but I thought you had my back)**

 **Edit 2: I found an editor! The sentences should flow a bit better now.**

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Edward Elric walked into the Leaky Cauldron. He had become a regular soon after getting the chance to rediscover it and sat down in his usual spot near the middle. He waved at the bartender and politely asked for a Butterbeer before settling down in his seat properly. When he had first found the Leaky Cauldron it had been by chance. He had caught a glimpse of a person tapping at bricks in what seemed a random order before stepping through the wall that had moved out of his way to create an entrance. Ed had been suspicious of what it was and slipped through the entrance before the bricks had a chance to become a solid wall again. He knew he was being reckless at the time but his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he didn't regret it one bit.

The man that had opened the wall had turned around in surprise and asked him how he had gotten there. Ed shrugged and was about to walk off when the man grabbed him. "Do you want a drink?" was all the man needed to ask before the two introduced themselves and became good friends. Ed wasn't sure if it had been the man's personality or the Butterbeer, which was a light drink mind you, which had led him to accept the offer of temporary residence at the man's house. The man, known as Arthur, had informed him that they would be going there using what he called 'Floo Powder'. Ed had asked the man what it was and Arthur had suspected nothing out of the ordinary as he had come across people that used different names for some things. Ed had laughed at the man and called him crazy informing him that he couldn't throw some sparkles into a fire, say the place you wanted to go to and end up there. It was completely unscientific.

Arthur seemed to have made a revelation once Ed had told him what he thought of his 'Floo powder' and started bombarding him with questions about what seemed like simple everyday things. Ed answered them as best as he could before finally asking his own questions to all of which Arthur nonchalantly replied: "It's magic". Ed couldn't believe his ears and started another round of laughter. Arthur didn't laugh along but instead made his glass levitate. Ed was completely silenced for a mere minute while he made his way through the many theories he had on how Arthur had done it which was when he realised he would need to know more about this 'magic'. Then another attack came Arthur's way, this time with more ferocity. Arthur tried to give each question an answer but every answer seemed to make more questions until Arthur didn't know what Ed was talking about. Arthur finally decided that if Ed had a taste of magic he might accept it and understand it better.

Arthur told Edward that he would get more answers from his home as he still had no idea about some of the questions and Ed readily agreed. While Ed was taught about 'stranger danger' in school he hadn't the need to care as much with his near immortal body and alchemy at his disposal. Ed requested that they wait for someone to use the Floo network before they tried it themselves so that he could be sure of it. Arthur didn't argue as he was curious as to how the young man would handle seeing the Floo network for the first time. They didn't have to wait long before a woman approached the fireplace, threw a handful of the Floo powder into the fire which turned it into harmless green flames and stepped in. The woman, full confidence, clearly said 'Ministry of Magic' before being engulfed by the flames and disappearing.

Ed processed what happened slowly when Arthur grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the fireplace to give him a short crash course on how to do it and what to say. When Ed assured Arthur that he was sure he could do it, the older man went ahead as an example and said 'The Burrow' before disappearing in the flames like the woman earlier. Ed was nervous for sure but thought 'how bad could it be?' before cursing himself for possibly jinxing bad luck. He breathed deeply before throwing some powder, stepping in and repeating what Arthur had said.

He hadn't expected it to feel the way it did. He had done as Arthur told and kept his shoulders together and eyes closed but he still felt the spinning sensation that never seemed to stop. 'Only a little more' he thought to himself. He didn't know how long it should take but didn't want to give himself a reason to panic and followed Arthur's instructions without pause. When he finally felt it slow down a bit, he squinted at his surroundings and came to a stop inside another fireplace. This time he was in a kitchen where he quickly spotted Arthur staring at him with glee. He smiled at the man, his happiness seemed to be contagious before he heard yelling from further inside the house. Not a minute later a woman with the same fiery ginger hair walked into the kitchen and started to reprimand Arthur about bringing strangers home. Arthur said he was not to blame and introduced them.

The woman turned out to be Molly Weasley, the wife of Arthur and the mother to their six sons and one daughter. She welcomed Ed in and cleaned the soot off of him with a simple flick of her wand, which Ed thanked her for. He was still fascinated with magic and was itching to find out about its boundaries but he decided that if he acted like it was nothing out of the ordinary they might accept him more easily. Although he knew that he would start asking questions soon, he didn't say anything to give away his lack of knowledge in the field of magic too quickly.

"Have you had any dinner?" She had asked. He had shaken his head and smiled when she gestured for him to sit down in the living room. He had asked if he could do anything to help but she made him sit and told him not to move. He had accepted her generosity quite quickly after that but thanked her repeatedly nonetheless.

While he was waiting he heard Arthur and Molly discussing something under their breath. He heard small snippets of the conversation. A few 'and's and 'dinner's. A couple of times, Molly's voice had risen and he had heard her use his full name in the motherly voice only some could manage. Soon after the second time she used his full name, Arthur sat down on the couch across from him. It was awkward at first because it was obvious that he was being treated like a child by his wife. To try and dissipate the awkward atmosphere, Ed had tried asking about what he did and what it was like. Arthur had immediately gone into an explanation about what he did before turning the conversation around and asking Ed about more everyday appliances.

Ed held back a laugh at how curious he was and decided to tell him about blenders. Ed had been just as fascinated when he first started finding the new technology but living with them made the wow factor fade pretty quickly. He warned the older man about the risks of all the items he had told him about just in case the man decided he needed a closer look. Arthur seemed to listen to all of his warnings and was about to say something when a loud voice came from the kitchen. Ed thought it was a voice from heaven handing them the invite to eat. He tried to get up slowly so it wouldn't seem like he was desperate for food but knowing that when it came to food he could never slow down he was pleased when he was only a little faster than what would be considered normal.

When he sat down at the table he could hear Arthur chuckling behind him but didn't comment on being noticed. Instead, he sat and waited with forced patience. He heard soft thumps followed by loud banging. Molly smiled as she flicked her wand at the dishes and brought them down to the table. Ed hesitated to grab some food before the hosts had had any but Molly nudged him towards the food. He thanked her again and took a little bit of everything on the table. When he noticed the thuds had stopped he looked around and spotted four boys and one girl blatantly staring at him.

He fidgeted where he sat, uncomfortable under their gazes. It had been many years since people had seen him as anything out of the ordinary and their staring screamed 'I don't know who you are but you're different'. "It's rude to stare you know," Ed said, thinking that maybe it was because he wasn't ginger. The girl, youngest, and the eldest boy blushed while the other two, who seemed to be twins, shrugged. Molly didn't waste a second and ushered them in after being aware of their presence. They all sat around the table and started eating without much conversation. A few whispers among the teens at most.

When the meal was over Ed was completely full and didn't feel like he could move for the next hour without some serious help. Fortunately for Ed, he only felt that way and could move freely to help Molly if she allowed him to. Once again he was stopped and was told to sit. He didn't object and made himself comfortable on one of the couches and overheard Molly and Arthur talking about his stay.

"I told him he could stay with us temporarily so maybe we can give him Bill's old room," Arthur said to her.

Before she could agree or disagree with him Ed butted in. "I can leave if it's too much trouble." He hadn't thought to elaborate knowing they would understand. Molly turned to Ed quickly before going off about youngsters thinking old ladies like her couldn't handle one more person. Ed listened to her argument and pointed out that it wouldn't be a problem for him to leave. She had none of it and announced he would be taking Bill's old room. He didn't mention that he had a cat to feed but instead thanked her profusely.

Arthur smiled at him and Molly introduced the full family to Ed. From what he understood, the oldest was Percy, twins were Fred and George, the youngest boy was Ron and the girl was Ginny. Ed greeted them all one by one before Molly told Percy to lead him to his temporary room. He followed the boy up to his new room and thanked him. The boy said it was nothing and welcomed him to 'The Burrow' before disappearing down the stairs. Ed closed the door, dropped his suitcase to the side and flopped onto the bed. He hadn't felt this tired since he had to walk from Germany to England. He had to admit, the scenery was quite nice but after ten hours it had lost its effect. He closed his eyes and ran through what had happened that day. It was quite hectic for him. He didn't usually meet so many people so quickly. It had only been a day and he had already met a whole family and discovered that magic existed. He laughed at the thought.

He had seen and heard of weird things happening all over the country but had dismissed it as something else or alchemy at the very least. He had never even thought that it could have been magic. Now knowing that magic existed he could explain some things better. Earlier that year, he had heard of glass disappearing and reappearing at a zoo. First letting a snake out and then trapping a kid inside. He had checked it out since it had been close to where he was at the time but hadn't been able to find any traces of alchemy. He had blamed it on the fact he was never able to see the glass-that-appeared-and-disappeared-as-it-wished and had decided that the traces of alchemy would have been on it.

"Time for bed!" He heard a voice from downstairs yell. It was a little muffled but he agreed with the voice and got up. He wouldn't wrinkle the only clothes he had just so he could get a minute of more sleep and took his pants and shirt off. He looked around the room and found an old blanket which he transmuted into pyjamas. He promised himself that he would turn it back before he left. He changed into it quickly and dove under the covers. Soon enough, he was warm and comfortable. He decided that he liked the Weasley's and fell asleep.

The next morning he woke up at a reasonable time. Nine in the morning. The perfect time. Not too early like six but not too late like twelve. He changed into yesterday's clothes and transmuted his pyjamas back. He folded and neatly placed the blanket back where it belonged. The blanket was a little cleaner and didn't have as many rips but he didn't think they would mind too much. He redid his hair on the way downstairs and was greeted by Arthur. The man was looking through the newspaper and eating the breakfast in front of him. He didn't pay much attention to the food because something on the newspaper had caught his eye. The pictures were moving. He stared at them a little longer and He said a quick good morning before seating himself at the table. "May I?" he asked politely still not sure how casual he should be. Arthur nodded and it was all Ed needed before he practically inhaled the food. Molly brightened and offered Ed more which he readily accepted. By the end of the feeding session, he was fully stuffed. Ed smiled with contempt at the first big breakfast in what felt like forever.

He started up a conversation with Arthur about the different jobs you could get as someone who could do magic. Arthur listed a few before he got to one that sparked his interest. "What's an Auror?"

"The Auror's are a group of people who catch evil witches and wizards. Is there an equivalent for Muggles?" Arthur asked interestedly.

"We have the police, they're people who catch evil people. I'd say they're practically different versions of the same thing," Ed supplied Arthur. Ed wondered if he could become an Auror and perhaps finally make a difference. He asked Arthur what he'd need to do to become one. His question was quickly answered and he realised he would need to go to school to become one. Which at this point he could not do. He sighed as he realised this and was about to ask if there was a way to become one without a school education when the twins interrupted.

"We're going to practice Quidditch!" The faint click of the door unlocking and locking again could be heard before Molly sent Arthur out to watch them. Ed had two choices. Stay with Molly or go with Arthur and learn about Quidditch. He chose the latter and followed after Arthur.

"What's Quidditch?" Ed asked, walking beside Arthur. Arthur went into a full-blown explanation but what most confused Ed was not the rules or why kids were allowed to play this dangerous game. It was that they used brooms. Seeing Ed's confused look Arthur told him to just wait and see. Ed followed Arthur out the door and out into the yard where Fred and George were already high in the air and hitting a ball at each other. Ed stared on in awe at the two, so effortlessly riding a broom as if they had a broom instead of legs.

"Do you want to try riding one?" Ed smiled at the offer and nodded.

"I don't know how good I'll be, but I'd like to at least try." Arthur grabbed a spare broom and placed it next to Ed.

"Stand to the left of your broom, Ed. I'm going to teach how to ride the way I was taught how to, so we're starting with the basics." It made sense to Ed so he stood to the left of his broom and waited for Arthur's next instructions. "Hold your hand over the broom and say 'up'."

"Up," Ed said not sure if it would work. Nothing happened so Ed looked to Arthur.

"Just keep going until it works," Arthur said casually. Ed understood from how Arthur had said it that he didn't think it would work on the first try. So he tried again.

"Up. Up. Up. Up." The broom moved a little and at this point, he had both Fred and George's attention. "Up. Up," Ed said getting a little annoyed at each failure. "Up. Up. Up. Up." The broom moved a little again but he could clearly see that it was his left hand. Ed saw and swapped the side the broom was on and tried again. "Up." Nothing. "Up." Ed almost fell over with how fast the broom jumped up into his hand but recovered quickly.

Arthur contained himself to quiet chuckling while the twins burst out into laughter. Ed couldn't help smiling a little himself but looked to Arthur for the next step seconds after. Arthur explained that all he now had to do was get on it, kick off and steer it. It sounded easy but from his earlier experience, he knew it was also going to be tricky.

He got on the broom, thinking that he looked really silly, and kicked off. He hovered for a minute trying to balance on the broom. With Automail, the balancing became a little more difficult. He finally tried to steer the broom. He thought that now he had his balance sorted out the rest would be a piece of cake. Boy, was he wrong. As soon as he tilted the broom to the side, he sped off at high speed in every direction. Up, down, left, right. He even did a few loops before he had had enough and jumped off the broom when it got lower. Now that he wasn't doing backflips, he could clearly hear Fred and George laughing loudly behind him.

He turned and glared at them which caused them to laugh harder. Fred, or George, almost fell off his broom from laughing too much. Ed thought they deserved it but said nothing. He instead turned to Arthur and thanked him for his flying lesson but mentally told himself that brooms were not his thing. He went back inside and met with Molly who was preparing lunch. They chatted about his flying lesson and how it was weird that he hadn't gone to school or learnt this from someone else but Ed quickly changed the subject. They started talking about how the boys were doing in school. He found out that this year was going to be Ron's first at Hogwarts and that it would also be the first year of the Boy Who Lived. She had shared with him the hopes she had that the Boy Who Lived and Ron would become friends at least. She thought that the Boy Who Lived didn't have many friends due to his fame and hoped that at the very least Ron could be one of his few friends.

She flicked her wrist and sent some sandwiches she had made while chatting to the table and called everyone inside. Ed filled a glass of water for himself and sat down. Everyone else joined him and Molly soon after and they all ate. It wasn't completely silent. Mostly talks about Quidditch and Ed's fails at riding a broom. When that happened he turned bright red and everyone laughed until Molly used her mother voice to reduce it to a few giggles. They all finished and the dishes went back into the kitchen.

"I better get going then," Ed said to Arthur who looked sad but understanding.

"I'll see you off," Arthur said and waited for Ed to grab his suitcase from upstairs. When Ed came back, they said their goodbyes and Ed left one last comment before disappearing into the green fire.

"I'll visit sometime. I do need to get revenge on the twins." Ed felt the tugging in his stomach and saw a whirlwind of chimneys pass him until he appeared in the fireplace of the Leaky Cauldron. He stepped out, patted the soot off of him and left.

In the next few days, he had visited the wizard pub, sat in his spot and ordered the Butterbeer which he had come to love. He had met some very different people at the pub and soon started to easily recognise the regulars. He had met some weird people, but two of them stood out. One of them was going to be a professor at Hogwarts for Defense Against the Dark Arts but the man could barely stop stuttering. Ed had asked the man about what he would be teaching to try and smooth out the atmosphere but it had barely worked. Before they could talk for longer the man had said he needed to go and left.

The second person was Gilderoy Lockhart. Ed wouldn't have remembered the man's name if Gilderoy Lockhart hadn't drilled it into his head along with all the other great things he definitely did. Ed wasn't fooled by the man but played along. He didn't want to cause a scene with the man who was a five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. He wasn't sure how many people cared about this award but didn't want to risk it. To escape Lockhart, Ed had told him he needed to be home for dinner and left without further explanation. It was nine in the afternoon at that point and Ed had already had dinner but he didn't let it stop him from sneaking away. He was glad to have escaped successfully. He wasn't sure how long he could have lasted.

Today, he was sitting at the bar, sipping his butterbeer, waiting for something to happen. It didn't feel any different than the other days but the other days were almost chaotic. He smiled as he brought the butterbeer to his lips. He sighed with satisfaction at the delicious drink and wondered how he'd ever lived without it. After his adventures with Arthur, he had tried to find Gringotts. Arthur had given him some advice to use wizard currency rather than the Muggle currency so it would be accepted in the wizard shops he might visit. It had taken him a little bit of time to find it as the man who advised him couldn't help him get there. But it still took him a little less than half an hour to find it; first looking for it himself, then asking for directions. He had exchanged what little money he had from doing odd jobs and had gotten eight galleons, three sickles and twenty knuts. He had taken the money and had immediately bought himself a butterbeer which he was beyond happy for.

He heard the bricks move and silence fell on those in the bar. He turned in his spot to look over at the person currently entering. They were old. So old in fact, that they would not look out of place in an antique shop. Their beard was long and reached down to their belly. They looked like the perfect stereotype of a wizard.

The old man plopped himself down next to Ed and ordered himself some butterbeer. He sipped at the drink and turned to the younger looking man.

"I haven't seen you here before. Are you a traveller?" The man sipped at his Butterbeer again, his eyes twinkled at the younger. Ed stared at him before answering in a casual tone.

"Something like that." The man's eyes twinkled even more. Ed had a feeling that the man knew the answer already and was asking to make light conversation but didn't comment on it. Instead, he asked, "Are you a grand wizard or something? Here to whisk me away on some very important adventure to rescue a damsel in distress?"

The man smiled at the question. "I'm actually Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin - First Class, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Grand Sorcerer, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. And no, I'm not going to whisk you away on an adventure, but rather I just wanted to know your name," said Dumbledore.

"My name is Jeff," said Ed. He didn't feel like being caught up in whatever this 'Bumbledoor' person had to offer him. No one just asked for a name and left, there was always something else.

"We both know that's not your actual name, Edward." Ed's head snapped up and his eyes met Dumbledore's twinkling ones. He didn't trust this man one bit. "Arthur Weasley told me that he saw a blonde with golden eyes who didn't know anything about magic in the Leaky Cauldron. He also mentioned that this person's name was Edward Elric," the man finished.

"What d'you want?" Ed said calmly drinking more of his favourite drink. Dumbledore smiled brightly at Ed, his eyes twinkling still.

"I would like to know more about you and I would like to offer you a position at Hogwarts," Dumbledore waited avidly for a response from Ed.

"One. That's kind of creepy. Two. What's in it for me?" Ed said.

"The position I'm thinking of is simple, just a teacher's assistant and you would have access to everything Hogwarts has to offer. Safety, a place to stay, a job with decent pay, more information about magic." Ed knew that 'information' meant a library and he almost signed up then and there but he had to be tactful.

"What would I do as a teacher's assistant since I don't know anything about magic?" Ed asked. Dumbledore took another sip of his drink before answering.

"Just some simple things. Helping the teachers get ready or help the students with small things," Dumbledore answered. Ed weighed out his options. He could go to Nogtwarts, learn about magic and find out if he could perform it too. Or he could come to this bar and wait for something to happen. He had decided on the former but still needed clarification on the smaller details.

"Can I bring my cat?"

Dumbledore chuckled and nodded warmly. Ed felt relief take over his body.

"When do we leave?" Ed asked. Now that everything was sorted he was impatient to explore the school he was going to possibly spend his next year in. School. He chuckled to himself. He had never been this impatient about anything but finding the stone and that was years ago. Maybe this would lead to something else he thought. Maybe an adventure to save a damsel in distress.

"We could leave now if you'd like. I can have someone fetch your belongings for you," Dumbledore said walking outside with Ed trailing behind him. When Dumbledore turned around to face Ed, he had a broom in hand. "It's nice to fly sometimes instead of apparating all the time," He said and then added, "I don't have another one so you can hop on behind me." Dumbledore shuffled to the front of the broom to give Ed some space to get on.

Ed almost jumped onto the broom that Dumbledore was waiting for him on. Instead, he climbed on and held on to the man in front of him. He was no stranger to magic, after all, he had been living with it for the past week and had tried riding a broom. Because of that, he was pretty confident that he could ride a broom comfortably with no trouble. At a height of no more than a meter above the ground. When Dumbledore kicked off the ground he didn't know what he expected. He knew the man didn't know his fear of heights but he didn't understand why he had trusted him. He felt the ground disappear beneath his feet and scrambled to grab onto Dumbledore. The man chuckled and went higher and higher till they were almost as high as the clouds.

"You can open your eyes now," Dumbledore said with humour in his voice.

Ed hadn't noticed when he had closed his eyes but opened them to see he had buried his face in the older man's robes. Ed looked down below him and his eyes widened. He was so high up that the people below looked like tiny ants.

He opened his mouth and said, softly, but with a lot of feeling.

"Fuck."

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 **How was it? Did you like it? Am I one of the cool kids now? Am I?**


	2. Chapter 2

Hey people! The second chapter has been in the works for quite a while and I'm proud to present it to you! NateTheSquid helped me a lot with his process. He helped with editing, made me write when I started slacking and provided suggestions.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter (it belongs to J.K. Rowling) or Fullmetal Alchemist (it belongs to Hiromu Arakawa). I only own the plot. Ed swears but I think we'er past that.

Enjoy!

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"Edward, we're here," said Dumbledore as they flew closer to Hogwarts. Edward nodded and peeked his head out from where he was pressed tightly against Dumbledore's back. He felt the wind against his face and could taste the crisp night air as they approached the grand castle. It stood tall and proud, flaunting its size and beauty. Surrounding it was a dark blue sparkling lake and a lush forest that was eerily inviting. Ed swore he saw something moving between the trees but looked away as they landed. Dumbledore motioned for Ed to follow him.

"We can talk about the details in my office," said Dumbledore. Ed nodded absently. He was distracted by everything around him; from the talking and moving paintings to the marble staircases that seemed to have a mind of their own. They stopped in front of a stone gargoyle.

"Sherbet Lemon," Dumbledore said clearly. The gargoyle fluidly jumped out of the way and a staircase appeared behind it. The wizard confidently strutted up the stairs as the alchemist muttered about how it was not possible by the not-so-magical people ways. The office wasn't just dignified but also homey. There was a large desk in the middle with all sorts of trinkets on top that Ed couldn't name and rolls of parchment with a quill haphazardly left on top. The walls were covered in portraits of previous headmasters and headmistresses waking up from their slumber and a few bookshelves crammed with books of varying sizes and colours. A fireplace burned in the corner painting the whole office with a soft orange glow. Dumbledore sat in his gold-trimmed chair while Ed headed for the bookcases. Dumbledore chuckled at Ed as the younger grabbed a book titled 'The Beginning' and started reading.

"I wrote that one myself. It took me a couple of years but I had plenty of time to perfect it." Ed barely heard what Dumbledore said as he was reading. The book was… weird at best. Ed read the first page out loud in hopes of getting an explanation.

"My mum woke me up as she ran into my room and started packing my clothes into a travel bag.

'Mum what are you doing?' I yelled. She looked me up and down then put the bottle of vodka on her hip.

'Downstairs NOW.' she said taking the bag with her. I went downstairs.

"She's coming down now. Here's her stuff." mum said. IS THAT ONE DIRECTION! OMG ONE DIRECTION WAS IN MY HOUSE!

'Umm hi.' I said shyly as I tucked my mid length brown hair behind my hair.

'No need to be awkward girl. Were you're owners now.' said the blonde one (Nial?) answered. I gasped. Harry came up to me and put his arm around my hip.

'Are you a virgin?' I nodded.

'I have some lessons to teach you.' Harry smirked.

'Teach me now.' I said. Harry leaned closer to me and I closed my eyes. Then Nial pushed Harry away.

'SHE'S MINE' screamed Nial.

'NO MINE' said Harr-" The book flew back into the shelf before Ed could read anymore. Dumbledore cleared his throat and in that moment Ed knew this was as awkward for Dumbledore as it was for him. Ed sat down in the chair across from the headmaster who seemed to have aged a few centuries in the past minutes.

"Back to business," Dumbledore started, "the teacher assistant position I am offering you will be secondary to your actual job." Edward quirked his eyebrow at this. Dumbledore had only mentioned helping students and teachers and nothing about the 'actual' job. "I couldn't tell you about your real job before because someone might overhear. You never know who's listening. The actual job is protecting a student named Harry Potter. He's being targeted by Voldemort or 'You Know Who'. Harry is sometimes referred to as The Boy Who Lived and this year he will attend Hogwarts as a first year. I need you to make sure no one harms him," Dumbledore finished.

"It seems doable. I don't know how well I'll protect him against anything magical but I'm sure I can get help if I can't protect him directly," Ed said in response. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as his face contorted into a smile. He waved his wand and a piece of parchment and a quill took off into the air just above the desk.

"I, Edward Elric, agree to help the students and teachers of Hogwarts until my duty is fulfilled," said Dumbledore. The quill wrote on the parchment, only pausing to dip itself in ink. It added more information about Ed's job before settling down in front of Ed. He grabbed the parchment and read through the contract before signing with the quill.

"Is there anything else you would like to know? Now that you're going to live here you must have some question," Dumbledore said.

"Is there a map that I could use?" Ed asked. He knew even with a map he would get lost with the moving staircases but he at least wanted to have an idea of how to get places.

"No," Dumbledore replied.

"But how are the first years supposed to get to their cla-"

"Welcome, Minerva. This is Edward Elric, he will be the assistant teacher this year and maybe many years to come," said Dumbledore as he cut him off. Ed knew what the man was doing but decided to just ignore it in favour of giving good first impressions.

"You can call me Ed or Edward," He said as he stood up and offered a handshake. Minerva returned it without hesitation and replied.

"The students call me Professor McGonagall but you can call me Minerva. I will be taking you to your room, Edward," said Professor McGonagall. She nodded to Dumbledore and walked out of the office.

"Sly fucker," whispered Ed as he exited. He saw Dumbledore smile out of the corner of his eye as the man disappeared from view.

He followed Professor McGonagall into the corridor where she guided him to a painting which opened up to reveal a plain study. The room had a simple bed pushed into the corner and a desk with a quill, ink and parchment ready to be used. The desk was sturdy and looked new. The chair at the desk was made out of plain wood, obviously more for function than comfort. There were two doors off the side, one of which was presumably a bathroom. There was no fireplace but it was still warm and cosy.

"We didn't have any other room prepared so this will be temporary unless you decide otherwise," She said as he stepped in. "The doors lead to a guest room and a bathroom. If you wish the painting can be activated by a password. I recommend setting one before the students arrive and you can tell me or Dumbledore to help with the setup. Goodnight Edward," She said as she turned to leave.

"Thank you, Minerva," Ed said.

"You're welcome, Edward." The room became quiet as the painting closed behind her. He took off his shoes and left them at the entrance before hopping out of his clothes and into his pyjamas.

"I'm forgetting something…" Ed said to himself. He looked around the room and tried to remember before it clicked. The password. He didn't have any other responsibilities he could think of. Dumbledore had said that everything would be brought to his room and everything seemed to have magically appeared in his room. He looked around the room to double check. He didn't seem to be missing anything. Living or not.

"I must be really tired." He said. He stepped outside of his room and stared at the painting of a man wearing a top hat that covered his face as he slept with his head down in a leather chair. In the background, there was a burning fireplace and above it a couple of trinkets along with a painting of the man in the same position but awake. The man was wearing a grey dress suit that matched his grey top hat. It looked uncomfortable to sleep in. He stared at it a little more while trying to decide how to set a password. He could shake the painting but at the same time, he could break it. He thought of the previous paintings who were chatting among themselves while also watching Minerva and him. Maybe he could wake it up?

"Uhh... Hello?" He said awkwardly. The man in the painting shifted in his seat but didn't give any other indication of it having heard Ed's greeting. "Hello? Good morning?" Ed tried a little louder. The man in the painting rubbed his face and looked up. The man seemed to be in his late forties with tan skin and curly dark brown hair that popped up on the sides of his face. The man squinted at Ed before dusting himself off and straightening his posture.

"Hello there. What was your name again? I think Professor McGonagall forgot to introduce us," He said with a crisp clear voice that showed no sign of his nap.

"I'm Edward Elric. I'm borrowing the room behind you for now but I think I might make this my permanent one," Ed said jutting his hand out for a handshake.

"I haven't had someone stay here for a while. These wizards don't like muggle fashion or science for that matter," The man said softly shaking his head. "Oh, where are my manners. I'm Christopher Joseph Leighton, The Muggle Scientist," he said waving. Ed put his hand behind his back and coughed in embarrassment.

"I actually came out here to set a password but I don't know how to," Ed said to Christopher who smiled at Ed's explanation.

"That's simple. You just have to tell me the password you had in mind and when anyone comes around they have to give me the password before I open up," said Christopher shrugging, "If you want to be creative you can give me a phrase or something else."

Ed thought about his password for a few minutes before finally deciding on a phrase that he hadn't repeated in many years. "I think I'll go with 'I don't like milk'."

He knew that it was a spur of the moment decision but he doubted that anyone would figure it out unless he told them. The only people who knew this were dead. Other people never found out because he would only meet with others in public. If he needed to order a drink he simply didn't ask for milk; not like many places served milk as a beverage.

Christopher didn't question his choice but did show his approval, "It's unique, unpredictable."

Ed bid Christopher goodnight before the portrait opened up so that Ed could enter his room once again. Ed walked over to the bed and was about to flop on to it when he hesitated. He didn't like the thought of having to meet with anyone in the same room that he slept in. He moved over to the guest-room-but-soon-to-be-bedroom. He opened the door and stared at the almost bare room. This room had a closet, a bed and a bedside table. Ed deemed it up to standard and flopped onto the bed. He was asleep within seconds.

The short creature softly muttered 'master' again and again until he saw Ed stirring from his sleep. The creature said master one more time a little louder to fully wake the sleeping boy. The boy finally sat up on his bed and got up without noticing the creature at his bedside. The creature took this as his dismissal and left with a quiet snap of his fingers.

Ed jumped at the sound of fingers snapping from the bathroom. He was sure there was no one else in his room. He did hear 'master' being repeated but that was part of his dream right? Ed shrugged it off and got ready for the day. He wasn't sure what the day entailed. He hadn't gotten much information about what was to happen today but decided on getting some food first. He dressed in his everyday clothes and exited into the hallway. He turned to Christopher wondering if the portrait actually knew where to get food since he assumed that he stayed in this hallway.

"Christopher, do you know where I can get some food?" Ed asked quietly. He felt that it was weird if he spoke loudly in the quiet hallway. Christopher perked up when asked.

"I can take you there if you'd like?" Ed eyed Christopher weirdly as the man stood, stretched and walked towards the next painting. Ed knew that if Christopher had actually let him answer it would have been a series of questions rather than what the man expected or wanted. He watched as Christopher disappeared from his previous painting and appeared in the next one. They walked together at the brisk pace that Christopher had set for them. He was faster than Ed as walking from one edge of a painting to the next was not that much of a distance. Ed ended up having to jog between paintings but still enjoyed the walk.

They made small talk on the way to their unnamed destination which Ed could supposedly take food from. It was mostly Christopher giving some background about Hogwarts or pointing out some details that Ed might have missed. All in all, it was very informative. He learned about the staircases, the ghosts - helpful or otherwise - and about the Hogwarts houses. He found the rivalry between houses a little weird but he knew he would have done the same had he been their age.

Finally, they stopped at two giant doors that apparently led to, as he now knew as, the Great Hall. He said his goodbye to Christopher and thanked him for telling him about the school. Christopher offered to show him the rest of the school after and Ed readily accepted. He really wished that he could get a map. Although, from Dumbledore's earlier response he knew it was unlikely he would be able to get one. He sighed to himself before he walked through the giant doors leading to the inside of the Great Hall.

He hadn't known what to expect when he entered but it certainly wasn't what he saw. The ceiling looked like the sky and the only way he could tell that it wasn't, was thanks to the parts of the ceiling he could see at the edge of the walls. Below the ceiling, there were floating candles creating a warm but powerful glow entirely due to the large number of them. At the other end of the hall, he saw teachers, from what he could recognise, sitting at what he presumed to be the teacher specific tables. And finally, he saw the many students all staring at him from four individual tables.

He hadn't realised how much attention he had drawn to himself or the fact that a meeting of sorts was happening at that moment. The students started muttering to each other about the weird man who was dressed like a muggle at the entrance of the hall. He strolled towards the other side of the hall where Dumbledore was smiling encouragingly.

"I'm guessing school starts today," said Ed as a greeting.

Dumbledore nodded to Ed and motioned for him to sit next to someone who was practically a giant, "You can go sit next to Hagrid. Later, we will discuss how the school is going to run and which teachers you will be helping." Ed wasted no time in sitting next to the man named Hagrid.

"Name 's Hagrid," Hagrid said.

"Ed." The hall became quiet as the doors were opened once again. This time due to Minerva McGonagall. She walked to the front of the hall, each step with purpose and in her hands, she held a roll of parchment. She came to a stop next to a hat, undoubtedly worn due to use for many years. She called for the first years to get closer then announced that Dumblebore would like to say a few words before they began.

"I have a few starting term notices I wish to announce," he paused bringing the attention from Professor McGonagall to himself, "The dark forest is strictly forbidden to all students. Also, our caretaker, Mr Filch, has asked me to remind you that the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to anyone who does not wish to die a painful death." The first years were taken aback by the news, one of them even looked at Dumbledore as if questioning the headmaster's sanity.

"We will be having one new staff member at Hogwarts this year." The students started whispering between each other. It was highly unusual to get new staff unless one of the teachers had been fired or killed. "His name is Professor Edward Elric and he will be assisting your teachers this year. I expect you to give him the same respect you would give to me at any moment in time." The whispers increased tenfold but quickly quietened. Ed could already hear the promises of a difficult first week at Hogwarts and could feel an oncoming headache. Thankfully, he was used to life being difficult.

"Thank you," Dumblebore finished, fortunately not living up to his nickname and, instead, giving a very short, informative speech which was appreciated by the whole school.

Dumbledore sat down and Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. She unrolled the parchment in her hands and started reading out names. "Hermione Granger." A girl in front of her visibly took in a breath and walked up to the stool. Once she sat down on the stool, the hat was placed on her head. After a few seconds, the hat opened its mouth and yelled, "Gryffindor!"

Ed was taken aback by the talking hat. He hadn't seen soul binding in many years. Although now that he thought about it, it could have also been magic. But he was sure that even magic its had limits. He stood up from the table and walked over to the stool. He could hear the muttering and the discussion of the students but pushed it to the back of his mind. He gently picked up the hat and flipped it. He looked around the inside, looking for the telltale blood seal. Now that he looked up close, he could tell the hat was a lot older than he thought it was.

He stared at it a little longer before shoving it on his head. The students gasped. Ed ignored the students and tried to figure out how the hat figured out where the students were to go.

"You're a lot older than a first year." Ed jumped in his spot. He looked around to see who had spoken.

"It's the hat, genius." Ed thought for a second before thinking about how he was going to communicate with the old hat before thinking what he wanted to say. _Hi? Does this work?_ He thought, unsure of what he was doing.

"Yeah it does, genius," said the old hat.

 _Will you stop calling me a genius and tell me how you work._ Ed demanded.

"No and I don't know but you'd be a great Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. Definitely not a Hufflepuff but maybe a Slytherin too," The hat thought to itself for a little bit while Ed started swearing in Amestrian underneath his breath.

 _You know what I would love? I would love if you didn't sort me. That sounds easy to do doesn't it, you stupid old hat_. Ed thought. He really didn't want to be sorted into a house. From what he remembered, house rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor was strong and did lead to bullying between houses.

"Gryffindor!" said the hat. Ed immediately took it off and went back to his seat. He glared at the hat from where he sat. The students from one of the tables were chattering louder than the others. _Probably the Gryffindors_ , Ed thought. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and the hall fell silent. She resumed the sorting and one after another the first years were sorted; a name called, a house yelled and cheering from a table. This continued on until there was only one first-year left.

"Harry Potter," said Professor McGonagall loud and clear. The Hall fell quiet and for once Dumbledore seemed interested. The lone first-year nervously walked up to the stool and the hat was placed on his head.

"Plenty of courage I see, not a bad mind either. There's talent, oh yes, and a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?" the hat asked more to itself than to others.

"Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin," Harry whispered to the hat with the hope that it would listen.

"Not Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? You could be great, you know. And Slytherin will help you on your way to greatness!" the hat claimed. Harry was still whispering under his breath until the hat finally gave in.

"Well if you're sure… better be Gryffindor!" The hat was lifted off of Harry's head and he followed his friends where they had been waiting for him at the Gryffindor table. The cheers were deafening and it was a miracle that Professor McGonagall was able to silence them.

Once the hall was quiet again, Dumbledore stood and said, "let the feast... begin." With the announcements and the sorting finished for the evening along with Dumbledores approval the food appeared out of thin air right in front of the students. The students didn't wait any longer and dove right in.

Meanwhile, Ed was having trouble trying to calm his beating heart. There were a couple of things that had scared him. The first, was Hagrid whispering in his ear 'I was a Gryffindor too, yer know' when he was concentrating on the hat. The second was Harry Potter's sorting. He knew from his little knowledge, that if Harry had been sorted into Slytherin it would have been all downhill before he even started. And the last reason for his heart leaping out of his chest was the food appearing out of thin air. He had guessed that magic could do these kinds of things but still didn't expect the food to materialise with little warning. Throughout the 'feast', Ed grumbled about 'stupid food' appearing out of thin air and a 'stupid old hat' that seemed too much trouble for it's worth. Although, he did appreciate the lack of milk at the feast and actually quite enjoyed the pumpkin juice that was served.

At the end of the feast, Ed watched as the first-years were lead by their house prefects to where they would be staying for the next seven years. The teachers were also slowly leaving; exchanging goodnights and goodbyes as they left for their own chambers. Edward stayed behind after the feast along with Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and a man who looked like he had never used or even heard of the concept of scissors or shampoo before.

"Edward, I would like the introduce you to Professor Severus Snape, he is the Head of the Slytherin House and Minerva is the Head of the Gryffindor House. These two will help you settle in and you will mostly be helping in their classes. Tomorrow, you will receive a timetable along with the students depending on who requests your help. Minerva and Severus have requested you to help you settle into your new job," Dumbledore finished. Ed nodded along and thanked the professors for requesting him. Professor McGonagall brushed it off while Professor Snape was quiet. They bid each other goodnight before separating and going in their own directions.

Ed walked through the halls while barely being able to remember where his office was. He knew that he would eventually find it but he just hoped that it would be before tomorrow. He kept walking until he came across a painting of a fat lady. He had seen many paintings before this one. Some with dragons and some with pretty ladies, but this painting seemed to have its own charm. It was nothing but inviting almost as if begging for you to speak with it. So he did just that.

"Excuse me, do you know where Christopher's painting is?" He asked, trying his best to leave a good impression. After many years of living, he had learnt that first impressions were everything. He had had lots of time to think about how his life would've been different if he had done things differently and for a fact, he knew that if he was older at the time Mustang wouldn't have treated him like a someone who couldn't look after himself. Like a child who didn't have an arm and a leg. But it was all in the past now.

The painting looked down at him and nodded. "I know where he is but I can't take you there, however, I can show you where to find someone who can," she said. Ed was confused as to why she couldn't take him there. Christopher had been able to without a problem. Maybe it was the type of painting? He didn't have any more time to think as she flew open revealing plush armchairs, a fireplace, and a handful of students milling about. When he entered, no one but a red-headed student noticed. He wasn't sure if it was because he was short enough to be one of them or if it was because teachers often came in and out of the common rooms. He liked the sound of the latter more.

"Professor? Are you alright?" said the red-headed student.

Ed looked over at the student who he had now dubbed 'the flaming boy' and answered his question. "I am actually a little lost. Do you know where the Muggle Scientist is?"

"I know where it is. If you'll follow me, professor," replied the flaming boy as he turned to exit. Ed followed the boy out into the hallway and towards his painting. Ed memorised the hallways they passed through as they talked about Hogwarts. Percy Weasley, who he had finally recognised, taught him a couple of tricks to remember how to get to places in Hogwarts, what classes were normally like and who to watch out for. According to him, at the top of his list were his brothers, Fred and George. Ed agreed with him without hesitation. They did seem like troublemakers, albeit troublemakers that he would've wanted to be friends with.

"How did you get into the common room?" Percy asked, their conversation had slowed down and allowed him to think.

"I asked the portrait if she knew where Christopher was and she said that she knew where I could find someone who knew. And swung open. I'm not sure if she knows who I am," Ed said casually.

"You usually need the password to get in. It's Caput Draconis if you're wondering," said Percy, informing Ed of one more thing he didn't know about. Ed was really starting to think that Dumbledore should have an orientation day for new employees.

"Hello Christopher," Percy said. The greeting snapped Ed out of his thoughts. He had been asking himself why he was even doing this and trying to make himself believe that learning about magic and combing through a magical library was really worth all the trouble. He also greeted Christopher and said his goodbyes to Percy.

When he was alone he asked, "Do I really need to say the password?" He thought it wasn't necessary, considering it was his office. Christopher nodded at him so Ed quickly said the password he had set earlier and trudged into his office. It was exactly as he left it. He had expected his cat to arrive sooner rather than later and made a mental note to ask about it later. He hoped that it was because of his sudden employment rather than an unexpected incident. He made his way into the guest bedroom and slowly crawled under the covers. He realised a little too late that he hadn't changed or taken his shoes off. With a groan, he got off the cosy bed and changed into something more comfortable. When he finished putting the pyjamas on, he walked into the study which used to be the main bedroom and took inventory of what there was. He knew he would have to change some things and had decided that his tired state would be perfect for making these changes.

He clapped his hands and felt the faint buzzing as blue electricity bounced between his hands. He loved this feeling and he never got tired of it. Even if he had been doing this for centuries. He touched his hands to the bed and with a bright flash of light, it turned into three plush chairs. There was still some leftover wood so he decided to make a bigger desk for himself. He dragged the planks of wood over to his desk and repeated the process. In the room, he now had four chairs, three big fancy chairs with seat covers and one plain wood, and a large heavy desk. When he noticed he had an extra chair, he transmuted it with the desk to make it look like one of those office desks.

He looked at his work and nodded to himself. Now came the slightly tiring part. He pushed the table so that it now faced away from the wall and towards the middle of the room. Then he pushed two chairs to be in front of the desk and one behind it. He adjusted the angles of the chairs in front and made his chair more comfortable and suited for him. When he finished, he was proud of his new study. It looked more like an office and he knew it would occasionally be used as one but for now, it was his study.

He stifled a yawn and headed back to his bedroom. This time, when he went under the covers his only thought was of sleep, cats and redheads.

* * *

I really enjoyed writing this chapter! Especially the first bit. If you have any head cannons or funny things you always wanted to see in a fanfiction drop it down below in the comments and I might include it!

Happy New Year Everyone!


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